Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Going bananas on Discord:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Going viral on Reddit:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Just landed via Threads:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Love is in the air fryer.

Just shared via Facebook:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Live now on YouTube:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Adding to my 'Books I Plan to Read When I Live to 300' collection! 📚😅🤣 #BookwormProblems"

add, book, book lover, book pile, books, excitement, humor, humor about reading, i, lover, nothing, pile, procrastination, read, reading, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

0

3 months ago

bottle, hand, hate, i, lotion, lotion bottle, mucus, mucus plug, palm, plug, pump, skincare
I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

0

2 months ago

card, credit, credit card, debt, finance, humor, irresponsibly, joke, money, spending, used
Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

0

2 months ago

call, came, creativity, dental, dentures, humor, missed, name, opportunity, substitooths, wordplay
My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

0

2 months ago

body, body lotion, comedy, favorite, health, humor, joke, lotion, medicine, medicine joke, pain, pain relief, relief, Voltaren
“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

0

3 months ago

confidence, down to earth, Earth, height, humor, just, most, people, personality, short
It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

0

2 months ago

absurd, absurdity, AI, before, fast, fast food, food, fresh, fry, humor, innovation, keep, longer, pushing, silicon, Silicon Valley, technology, us, valley

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

89 shares on Discord this month:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Breaking via Slack:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Spotted on YouTube:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Spotted on Instagram:

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Going bananas on Discord:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Making waves on WeChat:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Seen just now on Twitch:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨