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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,499

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Breaking via YouTube:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Spotted on Messenger:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Going bananas on Discord:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

Seen just now on X:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Trending via Slack:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew my soulmate would have a couch and a notepad? 🤦‍♂️🛋️📝

always, dating, everyone, health, humor, loneliness, me, mental, mental health, person, relationship, sarcasm, say, self-help, someone, therapist, unfortunately

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

0

2 months ago

confidence, early, flirtation, fun, humor, leave, leave early, let, sexy, should, work
I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

0

2 months ago

competition, fast, humor, i, never, pencils, pressure, school, teacher, writing
I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, drank, exhaustion, faster, humor, irony, lot, tired
Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

0

2 months ago

car, DeLorean, great, great shape, humor, joke, looking, low, mileage, sell, shape, time, time travel, travel
Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

0

2 months ago

cheer, cheer up, encouragement, future, humor, irony, mistake, optimism
You wish you had this many chins.

0

2 months ago

body, body positivity, chin, funny remark, humor, positivity, remark, self-deprecation, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Seen just now on Twitch:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Trending via WeChat:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Trending via Facebook:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Making waves on Discord:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

You wish you had this many chins.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨