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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,542

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Trending via Slack:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Going viral on Slack:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Just landed via Discord:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

Just shared via TikTok:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Trending via X:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Spreading quickly via X:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Freshly posted on X:

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

Just landed via X:

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

Making waves on Twitch:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

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This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.
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Commentary:
🌍✈️ Looks like I became a full-time resident of Airplane-ville. I just ordered a monogrammed seat cushion! 🎒🍼😅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Instagram this month:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

16 shares on Discord this month:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,443

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Just landed via Twitch:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Shared recently on Threads:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Making waves on Reddit:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Trending via Threads:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

Trending via Messenger:

I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

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