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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Just landed via WeChat:

Aura is the real business card.

Seen just now on YouTube:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Making waves on Reddit:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Just shared via Instagram:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Making waves on Reddit:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Going viral on Messenger:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Live now on Telegram:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

2 months ago

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"So if you need me, you know where to find me… Just kidding, I'll be the one brooding under a desk fort until 5 PM! ⛺️🏔️🤣"

30, 30-30, 30-30 rule, after, avoid, balance, burnout, disappear, escape, humor, job, minutes, mountain, quit, relief, retirement, rule, stress, stress relief, work, work life, work-life balance

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62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine thinking you have any clue what’s going on.

56 shares on Slack this month:

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

29 shares on Slack this month:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Making waves on Slack:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Spotted on X:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Just shared via Facebook:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Making waves on Messenger:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Just landed via Twitch:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to smart people with a refined sense of beauty.

Spotted on Discord:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

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Activity Log ✨

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Keep the laugh going 😂

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨