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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,502

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Spotted on Slack:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

Just landed via Twitch:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Just landed via Pinterest:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Just landed via Snapchat:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Starting the day with kindness… but keeping the "grumpy" option on standby just in case 😄😜☕️

attitude, choice, choose, early, humor, i, kindness, morning, motivation, procrastination, self-control, still, today, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

0

3 months ago

babe, communication, confusion, dating, humor, love, mixed, mixed signal, relationship, sarcasm, signal, signals, wrong
Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

0

2 months ago

appear, attention, communication, humor, i, just, media, newsfeed, nothing, say, silence, social, social media, wanted
Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

0

2 months ago

fun, games, grip, home, lose, reality, remote, remote work, telecommuting, work
Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

0

2 months ago

career, humor, i, interviewer, job, listening, me, response, say, weakness, where, yourself
Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, comparison, fit, hand, humor, irony, nature, palm, palm tree, size, size comparison, tree
People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

0

2 months ago

acting, chill, energized, happy, humor, morning, people, sarcasm, Teletubby, thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Reddit this month:

My brain has too many tabs open.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

75 shares on Discord this month:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

66 shares on Threads this month:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

23 shares on Slack this month:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Just landed via TikTok:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨