Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

God: “I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

430 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,699

Funny Quotes Topics

17,717

Funny Quotes Images

15,699

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Losing weight is basically all about being cold 90% of the time.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Shared recently on Discord:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Going viral on Reddit:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Live now on Slack:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Spotted on Facebook:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Just landed via Messenger:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Just shared via Pinterest:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Just landed via Snapchat:

Blink if you want me!

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

1 day ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
If my bank account is a joke, I'm still waiting for the punchline 😂💸

account, bank, bank account, finance, Funny, funny account, humor, joke, media, serious, serious account, social, social media, Twitter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

3 months ago

bread, cool, ever, food, garlic, garlic bread, humor, preference, relationship, sex
You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

6 months ago

clueless, confuse, confusion, going, humor, i, know, me, misunderstanding
Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

2 months ago

appointment, doctor, early, hour, humor, irony, late, never, should, tell, time, waiting
Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

2 months ago

big, celebration, day, dogs, doorbell, excitement, Halloween, lose, love, pets, reaction, rings, shit
My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

2 months ago

better, couch, doing, exactly, furniture, humor, judgment, knows, laziness, looking, me, personality, stop
I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

2 weeks ago

dark, dark humor, devil, humor, i, joke, rejection, said, selling, selling soul, soul, tried

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

89 shares on Slack this month:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In banana years, I am bread.

64 shares on Discord this month:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

82 shares on X this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Seen just now on TikTok:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Making waves on Threads:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Broadcasted on Slack:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Trending via Facebook:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Live now on Instagram:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Making waves on Telegram:

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

Trending via Instagram:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨