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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Going viral on Facebook:

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Making waves on Slack:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Trending via TikTok:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Going viral on WhatsApp:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

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Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.
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Commentary:
When Uber starts reading minds 🤔: "Hey, just checking if you're not already in bed being a couch potato!" 🛋️😄🚗

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

66 shares on X this month:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

65 shares on Discord this month:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

50 shares on X this month:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,404

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

25 is the new 0 years old.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Just landed via Slack:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Going viral on Snapchat:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Live now on Pinterest:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

Trending via Slack:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Just shared via Threads:

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Making waves on TikTok:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

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