Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,468

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Just shared via Facebook:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Just shared via Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Making waves on YouTube:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Breaking via Threads:

My brain has too many tabs open.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Going viral on X:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Going viral on Slack:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just tried putting my phone down and immediately forgot how to do civilization things. Is there an app for that? 📱🤦‍♂️✨

addiction, civilization, communication, detox, digital, digital detox, humor, media, need, over, phone, put, social, social media, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

0

2 months ago

change, code, humor, i, irony, love, me, programming, source, technology, thinking, wishful, wishful thinking, world
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, even, food, humor, i, image, life, own, pants, priorities, relationship, sex
Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

0

2 months ago

confession, courtroom, defense, era, honor, humor, i, incident, time, villain
Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

0

2 months ago

AI, artificial, artificial intelligence, cleanup, eco-friendly, environmental, environmental humor, humor, intelligence, need, ocean, ocean cleanup, pick, plastic, poetry, pollution, robots, technology, wit
I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, browser, browser plugin, drink, drinking, hashtag, humor, i, moderation, need, online, online shopping, plugin, prime, self-control, shopping
Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

0

2 months ago

exist, hotter, humor, jealousy, me, ok, people, pretty, rude, self-deprecation, younger

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Seen just now on Messenger:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Trending via X:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Just shared via YouTube:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Making waves on Facebook:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Seen just now on Slack:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

Just shared via Facebook:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Just shared via Telegram:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Going bananas on Threads:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨