Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,334

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Making waves on Messenger:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

Trending via X:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Spotted on YouTube:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Live now on TikTok:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Trending via Slack:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Going bananas on Threads:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When life gives you mashed potatoes, it locks the drawer for extra flavor! 🥔🔒😂

able, drawer, everyday, everyday life, frustration, fun, humor, keep, kitchen, kitchen tool, life, masher, obstacle, open, playful, playful obstacle, potato, potato masher, sometimes, tool

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

2 months ago

Christmas, cooky, diet, eat, eating, finish, food, holidays, humor, indulgence, longer, temptation
A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

2 months ago

away, big, countertops, daily, daily life, home, humor, job, life, moving, parent, parenting, responsibility, safety, things
Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

6 months ago

age, aging, eating, food, foods, getting, getting older, humor, just, means, older, sad, sad food, start
Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

2 months ago

adventure, dog, expectation, ghost, ghosts, humor, ID, life, mystery, point, solving, thought, unmasking, van
The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

4 months ago

color, fact, food, humor, me, naming, observation, onion, purple, purple onion, red, red onion, someone, straight
It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

2 months ago

banana, brown, brown spot, family, food, giving, humor, life, mistake, morning, parenting, son, spot

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Facebook this month:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

18 shares on Slack this month:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

82 shares on Instagram this month:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have a yearning disability.

31 shares on Slack this month:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

31 shares on Reddit this month:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Live now on TikTok:

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

Just landed via Reddit:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Just landed via Reddit:

Reincarnation, in this economy?

Spotted on Twitch:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Just landed via X:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Trending via TikTok:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨