When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

51 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.