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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,032

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Going viral on WeChat:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Shared recently on Slack:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Just shared via TikTok:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Trending via Reddit:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Making waves on YouTube:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Live now on Facebook:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's one way to keep the meeting "snot" too boring! 😂💻👃

booger, bored, boredom, cursor, distraction, humor, i, joke, meeting, nose, office, office joke, playful, prank, put, speaker, tech, tech humor, under, virtual, virtual humor, Zoom, Zoom meeting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

0

2 months ago

am, confidence, dating, DM, DMs, flirting, funnier, humor, i, joke, media, social, social media
Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

0

2 months ago

aging, getting, gracefully, humor, irony, life, perspective, screaming, steamrolled
The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, communication, content, humor, irony, length, LinkedIn, media, post, professional, social, social media
Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

0

2 months ago

activity, beach, day, family, family activity, going, humorous, humorous situation, Jaws, kid, kids, movie, movie night, night, sick, sick day, situation, watching
I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

0

2 months ago

attention, here, humiliation, joke, likes, media, myself, self-esteem, social, social media, validation, worth
I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

0

2 months ago

along, am, day, easy, exactly, expectations, fun, fun person, humor, i, imagination, interruption, layout, person, planned, planning, variation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Just shared via Instagram:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Making waves on Facebook:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Spotted on Snapchat:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Just landed via Facebook:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨