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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,770

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Trending via Pinterest:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Trending via Messenger:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Breaking via Twitch:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

Just landed via Instagram:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When did life become a choice between wedding bells and being the next James Bond? 🍾💍✈️😎

adventure, choice, country, drug, drugs, foreign, foreign country, goal, guys, humor, kid, kids, life, life choice, main, marriage, married, travel, want, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

0

5 months ago

babe, candlelight, communication, dating, gaslight, humor, less, light, relationship, sarcasm
This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

0

5 months ago

clash, cultural, cultural clash, generation, humor, identity, old, old soul, people, soul, wrong
You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

0

2 months ago

achievement, activity, cool, finish, finished, fitness, half, humor, marathon, things, too
I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

0

2 months ago

anything, appointment, busy, day, day off, else, excuse, humor, i, later, management, person, procrastination, rest, time, time management
I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

0

2 months ago

day, end, found, frustration, humor, i, irony, left, patience, time, waiting
I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

0

2 months ago

again, body, cremated, cremation, dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, smoking-hot, want, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

41 shares on Threads this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

16 shares on Threads this month:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

Making waves on X:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Spotted on Slack:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Going viral on Discord:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Breaking via Twitch:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Just landed via Discord:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨