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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,574

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Live now on Slack:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Spotted on TikTok:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Shared recently on X:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When did life become a choice between wedding bells and being the next James Bond? 🍾💍✈️😎

adventure, choice, country, drug, drugs, foreign, foreign country, goal, guys, humor, kid, kids, life, life choice, main, marriage, married, travel, want, why

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

45 shares on Threads this month:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

79 shares on Telegram this month:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

63 shares on Slack this month:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Spotted on Threads:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Just shared via Messenger:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Trending via Messenger:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Live now on Pinterest:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Trending via Facebook:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

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Activity Log ✨

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨