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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,681

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Going bananas on Slack:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Just landed via Instagram:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Just landed via TikTok:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Just shared via TikTok:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Shared recently on X:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Seen just now on Discord:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Wine: the only fitness plan where every glass makes your inner model emerge 🍷💃✨"

activity, alcohol, alcohol effects, confidence, drunk, effects, even, feel, fun, fun activity, humor, just, relaxation, relaxed, sexier, sudden, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

0

2 months ago

alone, happiness, happy, humor, irony, money, too, wealth, yes, yours
I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

0

2 months ago

faking, humor, i, sarcasm, think
Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

0

2 months ago

4pm, activity, bedtime, close, debate, humor, i, need, night, riled, start, thing, time
Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily grind, every, gently, grind, health, humor, humor quote, mental, mental health, mistake, motivation, over, past, perseverance, reflection, resilience, rise, self-awareness, self-improvement, teeth, while
I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

0

5 months ago

alanis, Alanis concert, apology, caught, cheating, concert, humor, husband, i, infidelity, know, lyric, music, music concert, relationship, song, song lyric, thought
Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

0

4 months ago

depressed, depression, emotions, ever, except, health, humor, life, mental, mental health, most, sadness, self-deprecation, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

85 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Just shared via WeChat:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

Spreading quickly via X:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Live now on Snapchat:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨