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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Achieving AGI by reducing the intelligence of the average human rather than increasing the intelligence of AI.

Shared recently on X:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Just shared via Pinterest:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Making waves on Slack:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Breaking via Telegram:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Going viral on YouTube:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Wine: the only fitness plan where every glass makes your inner model emerge 🍷💃✨"

activity, alcohol, alcohol effects, confidence, drunk, effects, even, feel, fun, fun activity, humor, just, relaxation, relaxed, sexier, sudden, wine

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88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

11 shares on Slack this month:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

70 shares on X this month:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

I put the hot in psychotic.

42 shares on Discord this month:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

72 shares on X this month:

I only drink when I people.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

From a very young age, I knew that everyone was wrong and I was right.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Live now on Discord:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Going viral on Pinterest:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Just landed via X:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Live now on Slack:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Shared recently on X:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Seen just now on WeChat:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

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Activity Log ✨

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Keep the laugh going 😂

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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