Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,291

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Spotted on X:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Breaking via Telegram:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Shared recently on WeChat:

Know what goes good with beer? Another one.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Trending via Facebook:

Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

Just shared via Slack:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Love those winter time blackouts! Where else can you binge-watch guilt-free and feel like a time traveler? 🍿🕰️🌌

2, 5, actually, am, awesome, bedtime, black, couple, cozy, evening, feels, humor, movie, night, only, perception, pitch, put, reality, staying, super, time, time perception, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

0

6 months ago

ago, comeback, coming, got, humor, just, me, never, patience, payback, persistence, relax, revenge, someone, threat, wronged
Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

0

2 months ago

countdown, future, humor, job, life, patience, time, work
My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

0

2 months ago

competition, contestants, danger, entertainment, game, game show, humor, issue, Jeopardy, never, real, sense, show
I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, child, conversation, humor, i, love, nothing, passion, talk, toddler
If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

0

2 months ago

account, bank, bank account, contact, humor, i, me, money, reach
Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

0

2 months ago

authentication, birth, birth control, condom, control, humor, joke, protection, relationship, safety, two-factor, two-factor authentication

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Facebook this month:

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

24 shares on Discord this month:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

98 shares on X this month:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

100 shares on Slack this month:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

96 shares on Slack this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

55 shares on X this month:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

45 shares on Slack this month:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

45 shares on X this month:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Spotted on Slack:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

Just shared via Messenger:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨