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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The older I get, no.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Spotted on Slack:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Going viral on WeChat:

Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

Just shared via WeChat:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Spotted on Messenger:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Going viral on TikTok:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

3 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote humorously suggesting distrust of politicians until proven trustworthy.

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Commentary:
"Trusting a politician is like trusting a cat with a laser pointer — proceed with caution! 🐱🔦😆"

belief, cynicism, every, humor, just, level, liking, mistrust, opinion, politician, politics, prove, satire, should, single, skepticism, trust

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59 shares on Discord this month:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

20 shares on X this month:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

33 shares on X this month:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

63 shares on Messenger this month:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

49 shares on Threads this month:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

63 shares on Threads this month:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Trending via Slack:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Breaking via Instagram:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

Broadcasted on Slack:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Just shared via Threads:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

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Activity Log ✨

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Keep the laugh going 😂

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

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