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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,375

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Live now on Discord:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Flying: the only time when sitting in a metal tube at 36,000 feet makes you crave a drink you'd never buy on the ground! ✈️🤷‍♂️🍅

air, airplane, am, box, craving, flying, giant, i, juice, metal, metal box, question, stay, tomato, tomato juice, weird, weird question, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

0

3 months ago

approval, elected, election, humor, i, joke, jokes, political, political joke, politician, politics, seen
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

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5 months ago

cooking, hatred, here, humor, imagination, imagine, indifference, just, looking, me, over, recipe, soup, soup recipe
Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

0

2 weeks ago

ask, client, clients, hard, health, humor, mental, mental health, obsession, over, people, picture, pictures, psychology, struggle, therapist
People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

0

2 months ago

effort, hard, humor, park, people, realization, realize, ride, support
They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

0

2 months ago

day, fatigue, humor, invention, rest, should, tired, where, wish
Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

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2 months ago

Antarctica, continents, critique, explain, explanation, humor, i, talk, today, underperformance, want, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

91 shares on X this month:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

39 shares on Threads this month:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

55 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

75 shares on X this month:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Just landed via Reddit:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Shared recently on X:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Shared recently on Slack:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Just shared via TikTok:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨