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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,712

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Going viral on Reddit:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Live now on YouTube:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Freshly posted on X:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Spotted on X:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote imagining alien invasion as a fun escape from global crises.

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Commentary:
Sure, I'm ready for an alien invasion with popcorn in hand. 👽🍿 Let's spice things up a bit before the apocalypse!

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31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

87 shares on Discord this month:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

11 shares on Slack this month:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

44 shares on Reddit this month:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

59 shares on Discord this month:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Trending via WeChat:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

Trending via YouTube:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Trending via Facebook:

The only Spanish I know is buenas noches, which means bonus nachos – like finding forgotten tortilla chips in your cargo shorts.

Just landed via Slack:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

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Activity Log ✨

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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