Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,574

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Shared recently on X:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Going viral on X:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Spotted on Twitch:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Live now on Telegram:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you want to be close, but also kind of ominous 🦅🤔

circle, clever, dating, flirting, humor, humorous, humorous remark, i, joke, over, playful, remark, sarcasm, teasing, witty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

1

2 months ago

awkwardness, being, brand, dance, effort, fun, guest, humor, personal, social, wedding
Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

0

2 months ago

behavior, electricity, empowerment, ever, fork, humor, i, irony, risky, risky behavior, socket, time, unexpected
I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, behavior, humor, i, nerf, obey, rule, rules, traffic, traffic rule
If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

0

2 months ago

activity, belly, belly button, brain, button, humor, nose, push, quirky, same, screenshot, silly, time
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

0

2 months ago

childhood, ever, girl, humor, i, issue, little, pun, skirt, wanted, wordplay
Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

0

5 months ago

40, adult, adult dating, after, chance, comparison, damaged, dating, funny comparison, humor, item, least, over, over 40, relationship, second, second chance, smell, store, thrift, thrift store, trying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Threads this month:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

67 shares on X this month:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Occupation: the ugly friend!

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Making waves on Slack:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Going viral on Slack:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

They’re making me do work at work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨