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Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Being weird never goes out of style.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,507

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Just shared via Messenger:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Live now on Twitch:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Going bananas on Threads:

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Just shared via WeChat:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Spotted on X:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Trending via Facebook:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful text expressing phone addiction, humorously asking for help to put it down.

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Commentary:
Sounds like a job for the Phone-nappers! 📱🕵️‍♂️🚨

addiction, away, craving, distraction, humor, humor quote, internet, internet addiction, me, over, phone, procrastination, someone, take, technology

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55 shares on TikTok this month:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

28 shares on Messenger this month:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Just shared via Twitch:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Just landed via Threads:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Trending via WeChat:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Seen just now on X:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

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Activity Log ✨

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

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Activity Log ✨

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Keep the laugh going 😂

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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