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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,499

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

Just shared via YouTube:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Trending via WeChat:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Live now on Twitch:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Live now on Telegram:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Making waves on WeChat:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Going viral on Instagram:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Going viral on WeChat:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

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Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
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Commentary:
Sounds like my cat's prepping for a career in "nap-tastic" film productions! 🎬😹💤

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

98 shares on Slack this month:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,236

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Soup is great for when you’re hungry but want to still feel hungry afterward.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Trending via Threads:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Making waves on Threads:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Trending via Messenger:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Spotted on Threads:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Just landed via Discord:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Spotted on WeChat:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

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