Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,600

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Breaking via Discord:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

Going viral on TikTok:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Going viral on Twitch:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Spotted on Telegram:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When Tinder can't deliver, it's time for a GPS malfunction at Starbucks! ☕️🔄😂"

activity, app, apps, cafe, confused, dating, dating app, fun, fun activity, humor, looking, situation, social, social situation, time, walk, working

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Thinking you’re too smart to be manipulated is exactly how you get manipulated.

0

2 days ago

exactly, humor, intelligence, manipulation, overconfidence, psychology, self-awareness, smart, thinking, too
Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

0

2 months ago

business, dead, ghost, ghosting, humor, people, relationships, sheet
The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

0

2 months ago

action, commitment, confidence, exactly, going, hottest, hottest thing, integrity, man, said, thing
I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

0

2 months ago

able, age, applaud, close, getting, humor, life, milestones, people, still, things, where
When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

0

2 months ago

ambition, career, election, going, humor, i, joke, office, politics, retire, retirement, run
Shazam but for random noises outside.

0

2 months ago

creativity, humor, noise, outside, random, random noise, Shazam, sound, superhero

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Discord this month:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

86 shares on Slack this month:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

90 shares on Discord this month:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

20 shares on WeChat this month:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

27 shares on Slack this month:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

84 shares on Threads this month:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Just shared via X:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Live now on X:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Just shared via Instagram:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Trending via Instagram:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Thinking you’re too smart to be manipulated is exactly how you get manipulated.

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨