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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Going viral on TikTok:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Just shared via Instagram:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Going viral on Slack:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Breaking via Instagram:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Trending via Slack:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

3 weeks ago

Witty text about self-control and deleting paragraphs with a humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Proof that sometimes less is more… especially when avoiding a novel! 😂📜✂️

back, behavior, communication, deleting, different, digital, digital behavior, etiquette, humor, interaction, ok, paragraph, self-control, social, social interaction, texting, texting etiquette, type

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81 shares on X this month:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

94 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Breaking via Facebook:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Seen just now on Threads:

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

Making waves on TikTok:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Just shared via Instagram:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Going viral on YouTube:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Spotted on Facebook:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Going viral on X:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

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Activity Log ✨

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨