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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,239

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Going viral on Facebook:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Shared recently on Slack:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Just landed via Slack:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Just landed via Discord:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

22 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Switching coffee for green tea: the fastest way to transform waking up from a sip of happiness to a morning of leafy sorrow ☕➡️🍵😂

addiction, beverage, caffeine, coffee, green, green tea, health, humor, joy, know, left, life, lifestyle, little, lose, mood, sarcasm, still, tea

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

0

4 months ago

boom, casual, casual tone, communication, email, emails, expression, funny phrase, humor, phrase, shakalaka, signature, slang, today, tone
Drilling for oil is well boring.

0

2 months ago

boring, drilling, humor, industry, joke, oil, pun, well, work
I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, chew, handle, hearing, humor, i, life, most, peeve, people, pet, pet peeve, relatable, sound, things
My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, commit, existential, goal, humor, life, seppuku
A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

0

2 months ago

bank, biology, biology humor, existence, finance, finance humor, high-frequency, high-frequency trading, humor, joke, market, sperm, sperm bank, sperm market, trading, wordplay
I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

0

2 months ago

chewing, coworking, distraction, everyone, guy, guys, humor, job, office, office humor, pretty, space, sure, work, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Telegram this month:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

67 shares on X this month:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

100 shares on Slack this month:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

50 shares on Slack this month:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

Just landed via Discord:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Making waves on WeChat:

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Making waves on WeChat:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Breaking via Pinterest:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Trending via WeChat:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Drilling for oil is well boring.

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨