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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

Iโ€™m bringing back โ€œholy molyโ€ and nobody can stop me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

Donโ€™t be sad, laundry, nobodyโ€™s doing me either.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has bookmarked:

No matter whatโ€™s going on in your life, thereโ€™s some form of potato that can make it better.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

Itโ€™s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

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Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

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Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate long-term relationship goal: professional annoyance specialist ๐Ÿ˜‚โค๏ธ

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

Just googled โ€œinsanityโ€ over and over but was expecting different results.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and heโ€™ll explode.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

When someone asks me why Iโ€™m leaving the party early, I say โ€œIโ€™m late for an appointment with my pajamas.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we donโ€™t trust.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

Iโ€™ve never met a problem I couldnโ€™t make worse.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

They should invent someone who holds me.

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The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.