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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now!

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,753

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

Trending via Slack:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Just landed via Facebook:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

Just landed via Twitch:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Just shared via YouTube:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Trending via Facebook:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Trending via Instagram:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Humorous text about a quirky first date idea involving checking criminal records.
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Commentary:
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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

86 shares on Threads this month:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

47 shares on Discord this month:

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

62 shares on TikTok this month:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,393

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Trending via Snapchat:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Just shared via Discord:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Live now on Pinterest:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Spotted on Instagram:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Trending via Threads:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Breaking via Instagram:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

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