Commentary:
When my ears catch a word salad, they’re like “did someone order dressing on the side?” 👂🥗👀
157 Funny anything quotes
The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.
Commentary:
When your wallet doubles as a personal trainer 🏋️♂️💸😂
If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.
Commentary:
Looks like I've been using Twitter all wrong—isn't it the world’s largest complaint department? 😅🐦 #KeyboardWarrior
Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”
Commentary:
Paying for wisdom, one chuckle at a time! 😂💸🤔
“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.
Commentary:
Sure thing! "Just one simple request: can you make my coffee unspillable? 😂☕️"
Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”
Commentary:
Feeling seen by my barista. 😂☕️💁♂️ #StabilityPlease
Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.
Commentary:
Silent mode activated 🤫😂 Just call me a professional mime now! 🎭