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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,502

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Just landed via YouTube:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Seen just now on X:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Trending via X:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Making waves on Reddit:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Funny cold water quotes

Funny cold water quotes 💧❄️ are the perfect splash of humor to brighten up those chilly moments! Whether you’re diving into an icy pool or just sipping your frosty drink, these witty sayings will tickle your funny bone and keep you cool 😄🧊. Get ready to laugh, shiver, and maybe even crave a cozy blanket after!

New funny cold water quotes 👇

All funny cold water quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Facebook this month:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, you should be mine.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,483

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Just shared via Slack:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Trending via Pinterest:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

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