158 funny cooking quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

May 19, 2026

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

May 19, 2026

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

May 19, 2026

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

May 19, 2026

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

May 19, 2026

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

May 19, 2026

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

May 19, 2026

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

May 19, 2026

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

May 18, 2026

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

May 18, 2026

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

May 18, 2026

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

May 18, 2026

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

May 18, 2026

People with air fryers really love to tell you what they air fry.

May 18, 2026

What’s y’all’s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. That’s my boy. That’s my big dawg.

May 6, 2026

I love one-pot recipes. So much less mess than when I was trying to cook things without a pot.

Apr 1, 2026

I miss the days when “What’s for dinner” wasn’t my problem.

Apr 1, 2026

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

Apr 1, 2026

I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

Apr 1, 2026

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Apr 1, 2026

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Apr 1, 2026

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Apr 1, 2026

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

Apr 1, 2026

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Apr 1, 2026

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Apr 1, 2026

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Apr 1, 2026

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

Apr 1, 2026

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Apr 1, 2026

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Mar 31, 2026

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Mar 31, 2026

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

Mar 31, 2026

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Mar 31, 2026

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Mar 31, 2026

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Mar 31, 2026

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Mar 31, 2026

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Mar 31, 2026

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Mar 31, 2026

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Mar 31, 2026

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Mar 31, 2026

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Mar 31, 2026