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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Just shared via Facebook:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Breaking via Messenger:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Live now on Facebook:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Live now on YouTube:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Trending via X:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Funny disturbed quotes

Funny disturbed quotes bring a twisted twist to your day, blending humor with a dash of weirdness 🤪🌀 Perfect for those who love a little madness mixed with laughter 😂💥 Get ready to embrace the quirky side of life and share some chuckles that are delightfully offbeat! 🌟😜

New funny disturbed quotes 👇

All funny disturbed quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Discord this month:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

81 shares on X this month:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,380

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

Spotted on YouTube:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Trending via X:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Spotted on Twitch:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

What does international law say about a third Margarita?

Seen just now on Twitch:

You’re my least favourite notification.

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