Commentary:
"Channeling my inner Dickens this Christmas – Bah humbug to wealth, hello to the joy of being broke! 🎩💸 #LivingTheVictorianLife"
231 Funny holiday quotes
A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.
Commentary:
"Trying to resist the temptation of devouring all the chocolates in a advent calendar is just as challenging as trying to resist hitting the snooze button on a Monday morning. 🍫⏰ #ChocolateLover #NoRestraint"
This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.
Commentary:
"Looks like some traditions just never go out of style! 🦃😅 Bring on the shame, it's the perfect side dish for Thanksgiving dinner. 😂🙈"
According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.
Commentary:
🍫🎄 "Well, it looks like your chocolate advent calendar is ahead of its time – maybe it's eager for Christmas just like the rest of us! Who needs a calendar when you have chocolate telling you the future? Watch out for the wise-cracking chocolate on Christmas Eve! 😉🍫"
76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.
Commentary:
"Looks like those turkeys just can't stay out of trouble! 🦃🚓 Maybe they're just too used to living life on the edge of the Thanksgiving table. Watch out for these repeat offenders… they might just be planning their next great escape! 🤣 #turkeytrouble"
Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.
Commentary:
"Looking to have the quickest Thanksgiving cleanup ever? Just casually mention politics and watch your guests bolt out the door faster than you can say 'pumpkin pie'! 🏃♂️🥧🦃 #ExitStrategy"
Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.
Commentary:
🎄🐱 It's time for the annual battle of Cat vs. Christmas Tree! Will the tree survive the day of feline antics, or will it be adorned with ornaments of mischief and mischief only? Stay tuned for the purr-fect drama! 😸 #CatmasTreeMayhem
Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.
Commentary:
"Ah, 'tis the season for embracing the crap with a side of sparkle! ✨ Who knew that holiday lights could add a touch of festivity to life's chaos? 🎄 Here's to turning our 'crappy' moments into twinkling triumphs! 💫"
We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.
Commentary:
🎄🎵 Oh dear, are we reaching our jingle bell limit? Maybe we should gift-wrap the existing Christmas songs and save ourselves from a musical snowstorm! Let's leave space for the reindeer to dance, shall we? 🎅🎶 #EnoughIsEnough
Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.
Commentary:
"Christmas: the season of expanding waistlines and expanding fibs to the little ones! 🎅🍪🤥🎄 Who says you can't indulge in both delicious treats and creative storytelling at the same time? It's all in the holiday spirit! 😉"