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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,569

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Making waves on Slack:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Going viral on Reddit:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Trending via Twitch:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Life is weird and then you die.

Going viral on X:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Going viral on Reddit:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Breaking via YouTube:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Live now on Pinterest:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Funny microwave dinner quotes

New funny microwave dinner quotes 👇

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

3 weeks ago

5, again, am, appearance, dating, desperate, desperation, dinner, enough, humor, i, identify, identity, just, me, microwave, microwave dinner, minutes, nothing, photos, ready, ready in 5 minutes, satisfaction, sexual, sexual identity, want

All funny microwave dinner quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Being naked with headphones on is so fun.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Shared recently on Threads:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You are the Monday of my life.

Seen just now on Twitch:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Shared recently on Slack:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Seen just now on Threads:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Trending via Threads:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Breaking via Twitch:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny microwave dinner quotes

New funny microwave dinner quotes 👇

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

All funny microwave dinner quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨