Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Going viral on Discord:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Spotted on Slack:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Trending via TikTok:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Trending via X:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Breaking via Threads:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Breaking via Instagram:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Just shared via Instagram:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Funny no work quotes

Funny no work quotes bring a splash of humor to those lazy days when the only agenda is zero productivity 💤😂. Perfect for brightening your mood and sharing a laugh with friends, these witty lines celebrate the art of doing absolutely nothing 🙌☕️. Whether you’re procrastinating or just loving a chill day, get ready to smile and embrace the joy of no work vibes! 🎉😎

New funny no work quotes 👇

All funny no work quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Discord this month:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,687

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Live now on Slack:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Breaking via Discord:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Live now on Messenger:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

People text you when you look good in photos.

Making waves on Facebook:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Spotted on Slack:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Just shared via Discord:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Trending via Messenger:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

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