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Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has viewed:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡· has viewed:

That song stuck in my head is β€œDon’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ί has copied:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has copied:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has downloaded:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡« has viewed:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has copied:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

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Live now on Threads:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Just shared via TikTok:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Just landed via Messenger:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying β€œtake it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means β€œeither eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Making waves on TikTok:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Broadcasted on Discord:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Reported on Twitch:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Shared recently on Telegram:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Just shared via TikTok:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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814 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡­ has viewed:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡³ has shared:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has viewed:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Slack:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The tag on my jeans says β€œRelaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Spotted on Pinterest:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Reported on WeChat:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Making waves on Slack:

β€œYou look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Seen just now on Threads:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

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