Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Shared recently on Instagram:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

Breaking via Threads:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Going bananas on Slack:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Spotted on Reddit:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Funny paragraph quotes

Funny paragraph quotes are the perfect way to sprinkle some laughter into your day 😂✨ Whether you need a quick mood boost or a witty twist to share with friends, these hilarious gems keep the smiles coming 😄📚 From clever wordplay to unexpected punchlines, get ready to enjoy a fun ride full of giggles and good vibes! 🎉🤣 #LaughOutLoud #GoodVibesOnly

New funny paragraph quotes 👇

All funny paragraph quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m tired of pretending talking about the weather isn’t fun.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

96 shares on WeChat this month:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

98 shares on X this month:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Wanna know what the 90’s were like? Put your phone down and go outside.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Not today, Satan, but next week works.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

Going viral on X:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Trending via Pinterest:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Going viral on Threads:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Spotted on Threads:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Spotted on Twitch:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Just shared via Threads:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Breaking via Reddit:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

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