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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

Updated

27 minutes ago

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Reported on Slack:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Just shared via Telegram:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Reported on Reddit:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Just shared via YouTube:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Just landed via Facebook:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Reported on Twitch:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Shared recently on Instagram:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

Updated

27 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Making waves on WeChat:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Making waves on Instagram:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Live now on WhatsApp:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Freshly posted on X:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Broadcasted on X:

I’m bored, but not read a book for fun bored.

Just landed via Slack:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Live now on Snapchat:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

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