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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Just shared via Reddit:

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Making waves on TikTok:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Just landed via X:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Just landed via Facebook:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Making waves on Threads:

I love my bed so much, what a place.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Spotted on Discord:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Funny romantic fantasy quotes

New funny romantic fantasy quotes 👇

All funny romantic fantasy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

65 shares on Slack this month:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,314

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

Breaking via Telegram:

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Shared recently on Discord:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Trending via Instagram:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Going bananas on X:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Breaking via Messenger:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Trending via TikTok:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

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