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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,666

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Spotted on Twitch:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Just landed via YouTube:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Making waves on Pinterest:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Just shared via X:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Spotted on Reddit:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Just landed via Telegram:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Seen just now on X:

I was dropped as an adult.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

80 shares on Slack this month:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

73 shares on Telegram this month:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

An electric car is just another electric chair.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

39 shares on Slack this month:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

76 shares on Slack this month:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,418

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I put the mess in domestic.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Just shared via Threads:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Work is the worst video game ever.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Just shared via X:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Just shared via TikTok:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Just landed via TikTok:

Rock bottom ain’t even that bad of a place to be if you’re into collecting rocks.

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