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Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

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Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

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The word β€˜stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan β€˜Dennis’? We could be saying, β€œI dennis Beyonce.”

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β€œThose tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

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Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

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Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

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Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

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Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts β€œOH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

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How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

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I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

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Home Β» Funny Slap Quotes Β» Page 2

14 Funny slap quotes

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