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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,594

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Breaking via WeChat:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Just shared via Discord:

Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Just landed via Threads:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?

Going bananas on Facebook:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Trending via Facebook:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Funny stay cool quotes

Funny stay cool quotes are the perfect way to keep your vibes chill 😎 while bringing on the laughs 😂. Whether you’re melting under pressure or just need a witty reminder to take it easy, these clever lines will have you smiling and staying frosty ❄️. Get ready to brighten your day and cool down your mood with some seriously cool humor! 🧊✨

New funny stay cool quotes 👇

All funny stay cool quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Weirdos gonna weird.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,635

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Just landed via WeChat:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Just landed via Reddit:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Making waves on YouTube:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Going viral on WeChat:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Spotted on Slack:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Live now on X:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

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