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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,614

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Shared recently on Threads:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Going viral on Reddit:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Just shared via Discord:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

Going bananas on X:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Funny stay cool quotes

Funny stay cool quotes are the perfect way to keep your vibes chill 😎 while bringing on the laughs 😂. Whether you’re melting under pressure or just need a witty reminder to take it easy, these clever lines will have you smiling and staying frosty ❄️. Get ready to brighten your day and cool down your mood with some seriously cool humor! 🧊✨

New funny stay cool quotes 👇

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

4 days ago

advice, avoid, avoid fool, avoid tool, being, cool, fool, graduation, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, slang, stay, stay cool, tool, wisdom
To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

6 days ago

book, cool, devastating, devastating news, everyone, humor, i, irony, news, stay, stay cool, year, year book

All funny stay cool quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

85 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

14 shares on Messenger this month:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,479

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I think God was high when he made me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Going viral on Reddit:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Just landed via Discord:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Live now on Discord:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Just landed via Instagram:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

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