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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,601

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Spotted on Instagram:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Trending via Messenger:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Making waves on Threads:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Just shared via TikTok:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Going bananas on Instagram:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Live now on X:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Going viral on X:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Trending via Twitch:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Funny telescope quotes

Funny telescope quotes 🚀🔭 are a stellar way to keep your cosmic curiosity shining bright while having a good laugh! Whether you’re a space nerd or just love gazing at the stars ✨, these witty lines add a playful twist to astronomy. Get ready to orbit a universe of humor that’s out of this world! 🌌😂

New funny telescope quotes 👇

All funny telescope quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Discord this month:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

23 shares on X this month:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

23 shares on Threads this month:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

62 shares on Reddit this month:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,425

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Just landed via YouTube:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Spotted on Messenger:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

Just shared via Twitch:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Spotted on Messenger:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Going viral on Telegram:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Spotted on TikTok:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

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