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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,558

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Just shared via Threads:

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Making waves on Reddit:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Trending via Facebook:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Making waves on TikTok:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Funny text argument quotes

New funny text argument quotes 👇

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

2 months ago

40, arguing, argument, communication, humor, humorous, humorous observation, interaction, internet, internet humor, observation, social, social interaction, spot, standing, text, text argument, texting, through, time, time-wasting, wasting

All funny text argument quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Twitch this month:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

97 shares on Slack this month:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

78 shares on Threads this month:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

98 shares on X this month:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Watching a movie and using a laser pointer to indicate where my fellow viewers should be looking for an optimal viewing experience.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Live now on Instagram:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Spotted on Reddit:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

Going viral on Threads:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

Just shared via TikTok:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Just landed via Discord:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Spotted on Twitch:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny text argument quotes

New funny text argument quotes 👇

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

All funny text argument quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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