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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,364

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

Trending via Reddit:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Spotted on X:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Seen just now on Threads:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Seen just now on Messenger:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Funny therapy joke quotes

New funny therapy joke quotes 👇

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

3 days ago

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All funny therapy joke quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on X this month:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

70 shares on X this month:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

January: the Monday of months.

42 shares on Discord this month:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

78 shares on Twitch this month:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

60 shares on X this month:

I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

That urge to nap between 3pm – 5pm is no joke.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Just shared via Twitch:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Trending via Slack:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Just shared via TikTok:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Seen just now on Discord:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Spotted on WeChat:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Live now on Twitch:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Live now on Slack:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny therapy joke quotes

New funny therapy joke quotes 👇

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

All funny therapy joke quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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