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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Breaking via Instagram:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Trending via Messenger:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Just landed via TikTok:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Going viral on X:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

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Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.
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Commentary:
"Good morning to all the yawning champions out there! 😴☕️ Let's hope coffee can fix what sleep didn't! 😂💤"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

41 shares on Discord this month:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

32 shares on Discord this month:

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

About to form my very first opinion.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,360

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Spreading quickly via X:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Going viral on Threads:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Just shared via Twitch:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Shared recently on Slack:

If she reads Bukowski, she’s not looking for love. She’s looking for someone who will ruin her creatively.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Just landed via Twitch:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Shared recently on Discord:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

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