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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Spotted on X:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

Going viral on WeChat:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Just landed via Discord:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

Just landed via YouTube:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Making waves on Discord:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

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Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.
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Commentary:
"Good morning to all the yawning champions out there! 😴☕️ Let's hope coffee can fix what sleep didn't! 😂💤"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Discord this month:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

33 shares on Threads this month:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

23 shares on X this month:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

82 shares on Slack this month:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

91 shares on X this month:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,458

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Live now on WeChat:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Freshly posted on X:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Just landed via Instagram:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

Live now on Discord:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Trending via Telegram:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

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