I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

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Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

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“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

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When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

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You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

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Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

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Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

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“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

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Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

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I’m not feeling very worky today.

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I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.