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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,336

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Just shared via Messenger:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

Going bananas on Slack:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

Making waves on Threads:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Making waves on Facebook:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Shared recently on Discord:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Living my best life one french fry at a time! 🍟😂 #Goals"

activity, amazing, big, eating, fast, fast food, fat, food, fun, fun activity, getting, humor, i, indulgence, love, overweight, self-deprecating

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30 shares on Discord this month:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

84 shares on X this month:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Making waves on Instagram:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Trending via YouTube:

Sane is boring.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Live now on Messenger:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

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Activity Log ✨

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Keep the laugh going 😂

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨