Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,501

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Just landed via Discord:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Just landed via Instagram:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Going viral on Discord:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Shared recently on Threads:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

Just landed via Threads:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Living my best life one french fry at a time! 🍟😂 #Goals"

activity, amazing, big, eating, fast, fast food, fat, food, fun, fun activity, getting, humor, i, indulgence, love, overweight, self-deprecating

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

86 shares on Discord this month:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

88 shares on Threads this month:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Live now on Twitch:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Just landed via Messenger:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Seen just now on Discord:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

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Activity Log ✨

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Social media may have been a mistake.

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨