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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Body by sandwich.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,891

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Making waves on YouTube:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Just shared via X:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Breaking via Slack:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Seen just now on Discord:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Shared recently on Messenger:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"BRB, starting a Kickstarter for the 'Ghost You' app! 👻📱😂"

app, apps, digital, digital life, humor, i, life, media, need, number, phone, phones, privacy, social, social media, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

0

2 months ago

apology, awkwardness, dating, flirt, humor, i, interaction, roast, sorry, trying
I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

0

2 months ago

before, creativity, expression, fun, going, humor, i, joke, just, lie, literally, love, phrase, pretend, say, saying, something, speech, streets
May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

0

2 months ago

force, humor, meeting, meetings, Monday, motivation, star, Star Wars, wars, work
Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

0

2 months ago

call, humor, just, living, office, reality, simulation, technology, today, virtual, work
Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

0

2 months ago

being, dancing, fun, girl, humor, Molly, name, party, rave, situation, tough
I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

0

2 months ago

card, clever, comparison, contrast, gordon, got, heart, humor, humor quote, humorous, humorous comparison, mouth, personality, personality trait, ramsay, sarcasm, savage, savage mouth, sharp, sharp tongue, soft, soft heart, tongue, trait, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on WeChat this month:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

17 shares on Slack this month:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

19 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Just shared via Instagram:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Just shared via TikTok:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨