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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Maybe I’m wrong, but I still don’t think our parents realized how far we rode our bikes in the 80s and 90s.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Making waves on Instagram:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Going viral on Facebook:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Breaking via WeChat:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Going bananas on WeChat:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Making waves on Threads:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

4 weeks ago

Funny witty text about a psychic girlfriend who left before they met.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's one way to break up with someone even before your first coffee date! ☕🔮😂

before, breakup, girlfriend, humor, i, joke, left, love, me, met, once, prediction, psychic, relationship

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

29 shares on Discord this month:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

28 shares on X this month:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

27 shares on Threads this month:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Trending via WeChat:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Just landed via Slack:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Seen just now on Slack:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

Freshly posted on X:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Seen just now on Messenger:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

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Activity Log ✨

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Saying “This reminds me of my early work,” as I walk past a Rothko.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Saying “This reminds me of my early work,” as I walk past a Rothko.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨