Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,568

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

Trending via Slack:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

Trending via YouTube:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Going viral on TikTok:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Going viral on Telegram:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Shared recently on Reddit:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Just landed via Discord:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Making waves on Messenger:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Just landed via Messenger:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess I peaked with my comedy career at 10 likes 😂✨ #StandUpLegend"

communication, coworker, ever, got, humor, i, joke, likes, media, once, post, said, social, social media, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

0

2 months ago

boss, day, day off, excuse, fun, i, outside, play, playing, sorry, today, work
My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

0

2 months ago

ability, buying, expenses, extravagant, getting, grocery, housing, humor, irony, lifestyle, money, paying, save, save money
Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

0

5 months ago

able, application, best, best friend, friend, friends, friendship, hiring, humor, job, jobs, set, should, teamwork, together
Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

0

2 months ago

account, bank, bank account, Christmas, finance, getting, gift, holiday, humor, just, looks, money, spending, well, well wish, wish, wishes
Just another day of not being hot and rich.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, being, day, hot, humor, just, reality, rich, self-deprecation
I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

0

2 months ago

air, air conditioning, conditioning, episode, episodes, every, heat, hot, humor, i, inconvenience, miss, nostalgia, show, sitcom, summer, TV, TV Show, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

38 shares on Slack this month:

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

61 shares on X this month:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Just landed via WeChat:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Trending via Facebook:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

Making waves on Pinterest:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Making waves on Messenger:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Shared recently on X:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨