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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I have the body of a god. Sadly, it’s Buddha after brunch.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,280

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Live now on Pinterest:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Somebody should tell James Cameron the world doesn’t need any more frigging Avatar movies.

Making waves on Reddit:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Everyone has their own unique morning routine…some just have a little more urgency! 🚓😂 #FashionPolice #MorningRush"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Slack this month:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

53 shares on Discord this month:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

34 shares on Threads this month:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Going viral on WeChat:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Shared recently on Slack:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Shared recently on Telegram:

Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

Weddings should have a worst man.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

Weddings should have a worst man.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨