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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has shared:

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¬ has shared:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

Manifesting you in my bed.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has viewed:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

The evening news: Where they begin with β€œGood evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡° has shared:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡° has viewed:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,734

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Spotted on Messenger:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Just landed via X:

β€œOh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Spotted on Facebook:

β€œStop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Live now on Reddit:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

Witty text about fearing death, with a humorous, darkly playful vibe.
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Commentary:
When I wake up, even my alarm clock gives me a standing ovation πŸ˜‚β°πŸ‘

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Facebook this month:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

23 shares on X this month:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

66 shares on Discord this month:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

57 shares on Slack this month:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has copied:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has shared:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has copied:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has copied:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has shared:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡· has downloaded:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has downloaded:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Messenger:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Just shared via WeChat:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Seen just now on Threads:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Spotted on Discord:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Going viral on Instagram:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Spotted on Facebook:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Seen just now on Threads:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Trending via WeChat:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

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