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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,520

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Going viral on X:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Making waves on Snapchat:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Live now on Telegram:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Spotted on Messenger:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Just landed via Pinterest:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Trending via Telegram:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about reality TV and medical sales humorously exaggerates workforce size.

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Commentary:
"Looks like every rose ceremony comes with its own stethoscope! 🌹😉 #MedicalDeviceSalesGoals"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

3 weeks ago

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Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

3 weeks ago

brag, distraction, doing, forget, humor, i, irony, memory, self-deprecating
Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

6 days ago

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I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

2 weeks ago

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At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

6 days ago

clown, fear, humor, i, invitation, invited, just, me, point, trust, woods
Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

1 week ago

balance, days, enough, fun, leisure, longer, petition, time, time off, weekend, work life, work-life balance

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

25 shares on Discord this month:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Just shared via Telegram:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Going viral on Twitch:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Spotted on Threads:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Just landed via Reddit:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Trending via Discord:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Making waves on Reddit:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨